It was the noodliest of times. It was the rice-iest of times.
In Hanoi there was a bowl of soup, richly aromatic and yummy.
In Khon Kaen there was a racy rice dish - full of spices and flavour.
I've been travelling a lot between Thailand and Vietnam recently, so thought I'd do a little Dickens-inspired comparison.
Lately, I've been confusing my Saawadee Khrups and Xin Chao-s, to say nothing of my Pad Thais and Phos.
Khon Kaen? Never heard of it, right? It's up in Thailand's north-east Isan region. A pretty spot and home to the country's third biggest university, where I'm working right now.
Then there's Hanoi where I'm based the rest of the time.
Breathing, bustling, larger than life, it sucks you up in its vortex of constant motion, and pops you out - and, incredibly, you're still on your scooter zipping along happily.
Khon Kaen, like its uni student population, is quiet, shy and studious.
Hanoi is big and brash. Streets are filled with "Emmmmmmm Oiiiiiiiiieeeeeeees" and "Annnnnnngggggg Oiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee" - translation: "Hey you!"
If everyone's saying it how does anyone know who the "Hey You" is directed at?
In Hanoi's traffic-clogged streets, trucks, buses, and thousands of scooters hawk up balls of chunky smoke, like an emphysemic chain-smoker, and spew it in my face as I sit behind them on my Honda Wave.
In Khon Kaen there are scooters too. But far fewer, and the university's jungle-like campus soaks up all the pollution nicely.
I step into one of Khon Kaen's many 7/11s to get relief from the blazing heat outside. An icy blast of air hits me and I feel great as my core temp drops below melting point.
I pay for a fluffy crustless tuna sandwich and a can of delicious Japanese-style ice coffee.
The check-out chick smiles and hands back my change. Her face is spotty and very boyish.
That's because she's a boy. The two others working behind the counter are pretty girls, and all three of them laugh and gossip as customers line up.
Thailand is one of a kind as it has three kinds. Or four. Or whatever.
The transgender population is massive. And not just in Bangkok's red light districts, and popular islands. In these hot-spots, tourists gawk at long-legged lady-boys, who are so glamorous they could easily score a gig at the Victoria Secret annual runway show.
Just as long as they don't have to speak. They have very deep voices.
But the transgender population is also a big part of the wider community, and are accepted in Thailand much more than in other Asian cultures.
Chubby, pimply teen boys dress up and live as girls. Looking adorable in their faculty-specific uniform frocks and matching hats, they take selfies of themselves and their female BFFs as they sip on ice green tea lattes on class break.
In the big cities, beautiful, trendy girls walk arm-in-arm with their spiky-haired hipster girlfriends, who have the kind of swagger Justin Bieber can only dream of.
Thais are deeply in love with "beauty", and you can see it in their traditional dances and costumes, which are delicate and sumptuous.
Vietnam too has a rich cultural heritage defined by beauty, balance and serenity.
But it's not surprising that generations of conflict has hardened the Vietnamese.
Two local work colleagues were shouting at each other once, and I thought one would punch the other.
"What's up, guys?" I ask.
"We're talking about our weekend," they reply. "We both went to the provinces. It was wonderful."
Ohhhh-kay.
Both Hanoi and Khon Kaen's streets are paved, almost literally, with delectable noodle-ey delights.
In Hanoi folks eat their street food at tiny plastic tables.
Sitting on wee plastic stools, you balance your Pho Ga, chicken noodle soup, or Bun Cha, barbequed pork and vermicelli noodles, on your lap as traffic whizzes by just inches from your backside.
There's something nice about gobbling down your food, so close to the street, where so much of Hanoi life unfolds.
Just eating lunch is an adventure here.
Viet cuisine is fresh and simple. Pile on some herbage and spices if you like, or not, but the mouthwatering fare always leaves you feeling bright and light.
I haven't been sick once.
Many of my expat friends have - but that's from the burgers and fries, or pizza.
In Khon Kaen each molecule of deliciousness is jam-packed with 57 to 97% fresh chili.
And those are accurate percentages.
Street food stalls offer a dizzying array of choices, your head spins just trying to decide, and once you choose your dishes, your head cavity explodes from the fiery contents.
One work-colleague told me Thailand is the kitchen of the world. Nice to have a toilet and bedroom in there somewhere - but I totally agree.
In Thailand I greet everyone with a hardy Xin Chao! which is 'hello' in Vietnamese.
Meantime, in Vietnam I place my palms together in a 'Wai' and softly say: "Sawadee Khrup", which is the Thai salutation.
Locals look at me blank faced.
I look the wrong way when I cross the roads in both places, and usually there's a boxy truck barreling towards me. Or a bicycle stacked with coconuts and geese.
I went to take two million Baht out of a Thai ATM. In Vietnam, two million dong is 100USD. In Thai Baht it's like 70,000USD.
Gotta watch that one.
Thailand and Vietnam do share one thing in common though.
It 400 degrees Celsius and 1000% humidity right now in both places.
So hot the rubber soles on my sneakers have actually melted off.
Locals, however, seem to be immune to the blistering heat.
Why are you on your mopeds wrapped up in a wool-lined bomber jackets, like you're riding your huskies into the sub-zero frozen arctic wastelands?
It's 43 freaking degrees and 98% humidity for goodness sake!
Soooo...
The Vietnamese might appear hardy and aloof.
Maybe the Thai are a tad shy.
Perhaps you order Pho or Thai sticky rice.
Either way, make sure you greet the old food-stall lady with a sincere 'hullo'. At the end of the meal, say effusively how tasty the meal was as you settle the bill.
And be you in Hanoi or Khon Kaen, one thing's certain: you will be greeted with a big heart warming smile and you'll have a friend for life.